Monthly Archives: May 2012

No Boys Allowed!

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      “Please dear Lord, don’t let me have a boy!”    

These were the words I naïvely said when my little girl was two and I found out that I was pregnant with my second. Boys were never in our plans. Why you may ask?  Daughter in laws…. I didn’t want to fall in love with my little boy rear him to adulthood only to be surmounted by a young girl who now gets all his attention. Selfish huh? Yes, but absolutely true- we had planned to have all girls. Of course, God had other plans for us and His plans are perfect.

About 4 years ago I was working with Jr High Youth at my church. I was pregnant with a baby- about 14 weeks and I would find out that week what I was having. This baby too was a girl; I had fixed my mind that boys were not in the plans for us! I wanted sister dresses, girls to play together, everything in our house was pink, play kitchens, bunnies, dress up, flowers, pink cars, and pink toothbrushes. Pink Pink Pink Pink! Let me return to my morning in our youth building- we had a guest worship band that morning. They were high school students and really good. My eyes moved from the drummer to the lead singer to the bass player and the guitar. Each one of these boys, I’m sorry young men, was a Godly example to their peers. These boys were making good decisions, using their gifts to Praise the Lord and they were leading others, even though they were youth. I kept watching the drummer, the son of my physician, one of 7, he has the stature of someone years ahead of himself (maybe because of his older brothers, I don’t know). I don’t know him, I worked with the girls, however he was the example that God used in my heart to let me know it was all ok and his will is perfect. As I watched this drummer I held my growing tummy, closed my eyes to sing and I knew, in an instant, this child was a little boy. Not only did I know the sex of the child but I knew that it WOULD be just fine. Tears filled my eyes with thanksgiving for the work of the Lord. After church I told my husband that we would be having a boy and it was confirmed a few weeks later with an ultrasound that indeed it was a boy, and he was PROUD of it! From that moment on I was excited to have my boy.

This boy is definitely a world away from his sister- even if he did play with pink toys for the first year of his life. He acts nothing like her. He is grumpy, loud, busy, and amazingly gifted in electronics. Not only that, but he LOVES his mother. There is nothing like the love of a son, he wants to snuggle and cuddle and he is ALL about mommy! I am not sure where the next part of this story goes but for now my son is our DJ (with his Ipad) and he loves music. Every morning at church my son pulls and tugs my hand to go IN to the service. He is a 3 year old who is off the growth chart of a 5 year old and clearly cannot sit through a service but he wants to go.

What has this little boy mesmerized?

WORSHIP MUSIC

No lie, this little one has an affinity for music, he is constantly playing with his guitar, drumming on a drum pad or hitting anything and everything with his drumstick. He is even drawn to the piano. This mother’s day, as I sat with my big boy on my lap he intently watched the musicians, as he does every Sunday morning. I don’t have some big meaning to all of this except the wonder of our Savior- giving us exactly what we need when we need it. This little boy radically revolutionized my heart; he won it with his tenderness, his enthusiasm, and his loving spirit. I am SO THANKFUL that God had a plan to allow me to have this little boy. How silly I was to ever want to miss this blessing.

Baby dedication was also this morning and as I sit and watch the sweet babies, I cannot help but look to the future- what will it look like next year? Will we have another part of our family? Will we still be waiting? What will our home look like? One thing that I can tell you is I want more of both- boys and girls! Will God give us siblings? Who knows!  One other thing I know for sure is I trust the HIM who formed me in my mother’s womb and every day was written in His book before one of them came to be.

Praise Him From Whom All Blessings Flow.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Step 1: Conviction

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WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE?

Convictions come with passion. It is easy to have a extreme conviction for your favorite sports team. Ever visited a Texas vs. OU weekend in Dallas? You will see conviction.

Split half orange and half red

Ever tuned in to some hockey or football games where crazed fans dance mostly naked with their head/chest/body painted with their chosen colors? I am a girl who can hardly invest the time in watching a football game that we really want to win because of the heartbreak and pain of losing. Am I competitive? No, never…..ok, yeah for sure. I also don’t like feeling bad when we lose so I would rather just not invest the time than watch some game just to feel bad afterward. Of course, in the case of a grand win, I also miss out on the celebration. Usually I can hear it, in the other room- especially if my father is in the house- he yells so loud I think the neighbors can hear him. That kind of conviction is easy when you are supporting a team- how can we be fanatic about a football/soccer/hockey game but not about what we believe.

What do I believe?

  1. Jesus is God who loves me so much he died for me, and he loves me personally.
  2. Jesus desires all to come to know Him, and wants a personal relationship with them.
  3. He adopted me into His family.

Galatians 4:4-7 Message

4-7But when the time arrived that was set by God the Father, God sent his Son, born among us of a woman, born under the conditions of the law so that he might redeem those of us who have been kidnapped by the law. Thus we have been set free to experience our rightful heritage. You can tell for sure that you are now fully adopted as his own children because God sent the Spirit of his Son into our lives crying out, “Papa! Father!” Doesn’t that privilege of intimate conversation with God make it plain that you are not a slave, but a child? And if you are a child, you’re also an heir, with complete access to the inheritance.

This conviction, for our family, results in some behavior similar to that of the fans of the Georgia Bulldogs above, or the Sooner and Longhorn crazed fans that split the Cotton Bowl in half. Sure, we don’t run around with paint on our heads, body, and face but we make decisions some might call just as weird.  Stick around- I am sure that I will share some of our “weirdness” with you. Why wouldn’t all our convictions lead us straight to action? Violently  waving and cheering for  a sports team is normal but spending money, time, and treasure on an adoption is not nearly as common place. In our case, we have children, and I am asked all the time: Why would you adopt instead of having another baby- as if adoption is relegated to those who cannot BIRTH their own children. The answer to this question every single time is

CONVICTION

We have decided what we believe.

What do you believe?

Tell me about it.

The Start

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                So, here we are; the start of a new chapter. My family is entering another phase- an adoption.  Two years ago we went through an open adoption, held a leg at the birth of our child baby M, she was handed to me for me to feed and we kept her and loved her. We praised God for her, dressed her, and she happily slept in my arms between feedings. Our room was right next to the birth mom, papers were signed for the baby to be released to us and then the birth mom changed her mind. She changed her mind and we lost our little girl that our children had met and that we loved already. I cannot tell you how much I felt like she was mine.

Lord, why would you have us go through all of this if you were not going to allow us to keep this little girl. Why did my other kids meet her, why did I fall in love with this sweet child?

Image

Only the Father knows the plans for his children. Maybe in another blog I will go into detail about this first adoption but today we are on the cusp of a new adventure. What an adventure it has been already!

                Finally ready to jump back into the water after healing from our loss two years ago God began pulling and pulling us closer to “It’s your time now”. Actually, after we lost baby M I could sit in church without the nagging of feeling like I needed to do something more. I had been available but we ultimately did not have the child. So here we sit, God has said your time is now. I am ready, are you ready? Did I hear a voice, no of course not, not audibly but I did know in my spirit that this is the time.

My husband and I waited until 10 years after we were married to have children. We planned on children, we planned on adoption from before our marriage but we waited, finances, work issues, goals to be accomplished. We waited and waited and then it was as if we knew it was time to start our family. I became pregnant after a miscarriage and with the birth of our daughter we were forever changed. Isn’t that what happens to all of us? That was 6 years ago now and here we are with 2 amazing children. Why isn’t that enough? Why do we need more? Why don’t you have more of your own? Why adopt?

YOU MEAN YOU ARE GOING TO DO THAT!

WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT!

                Believe it or not, I have heard this from people I love and trust. The answer is simple: God has adopted us into His kingdom. Who are we, who have been given so much, to NOT adopt. How could we do anything else? So here we are, in the middle of our home study, working through the minutia in anticipation of what the next step is. For now though, we are being obedient with each small step, moving forward one foot in front of the other.

I hope this blog will “Mark each Mile” along the way. 

STEP ONE tomorrow.

Peace

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Peace….

How does one start a blog? Well, you have to have something to say, something to focus on. I have so many things to say. Do I make this about business, home life, just for the family? Really though, who cares what I have to say anyway? I am just a girl in Central Texas, nothing too special about that. My name is Tamy, I have an amazing husband and to pretty cool kids (6 and 3).  I am a mommy, a physical therapist, wife, daughter, sister, and friend among so many other titles.

Peace is illusive at times. Tonight it is storming outside, lightning and thunder all around, the trees bend and the breath of the wind. I am taken back to my childhood, a special song that we sang over and over again in the church choir; I believe it was a favorite of our director.

“I Shall Not Be Moved”

Jesus is my Savior, I shall not be moved;
In His love and favor, I shall not be moved,
Just like a tree that’s planted by the waters,
Lord, I shall not be moved.

In my Christ abiding, I shall not be moved;
In His love I’m hiding, I shall not be moved,
Just like a tree that’s planted by the waters,
Lord, I shall not be moved.

If I trust Him ever, I shall not be moved;

He will fail me never, I shall not be moved,

Just like a tree that’s planted by the waters,

Lord, I shall not be moved.

On His word I’m feeding, I shall not be moved;
He’s the One that’s leading, I shall not be moved,
Just like a tree that’s planted by the waters,
Lord, I shall not be moved.

Chorus
I shall not be, I shall not be moved;
I shall not be, I shall not be moved;
Just like a tree that’s planted by the waters,
Lord, I shall not be moved.

From the lyrics above there is a lot of not being moved going on in there! I have sung that song in my head for years and years resolute in the desire to being an unwavering manifestation of the strength of the King. I am not though, I am grouchy, testy, I fail miserably at times, and I don’t keep my focus all the time but He is still there when I turn around steadfast, waiting, loving and encircling His arms around me even when I just want to push away. I want to be that steadfast tree planted by the water but all I can do is take advantage of its shade- huddled under its branches. I am a far cry from that tall tree whose roots spread out for miles. Isn’t that the best though, that our Maker loves us no matter what.

So, what about peace, that is the title of this blog? What does peace look like? More on that tomorrow but for now I just want to sit in the storm, under My Savior’s tree and be. I may not be able to heal like the balm from the trees in Gilead, or give shade to many under me but I can attach to the one who can. All my failures, all my sin, all my inefficiencies are irrelevant because of Him. That is peace.