Grieving

Posted on April 6, 2013 by milemarkerblog

Sleep won’t come tonight. I have had an angel sleeping next to me for almost three hours. She has the sweetest heart. Most of the time I am blogging our past experience but there are so many things that are happening in the here and now so today let me just speak my heart.

Our pastor has cancer, a malignant melanoma in his eye and Two possible spots on his liver. His daughter and I did residency together, we tried to get pregnant together. I vividly remember the day that I had to stand up and say I was pregnant with my sweet angel and she was still not pregnant yet. I am grieving for her with the idea of her father losing an eye possibly or possibly worse or possibly better. Sarah is part of the embryo story because she led us to Dr S., the specialist that we are using for our embryo adoption, and has 4 beautiful children now as a result of his help. I visited with her over a year ago again about who to pick; but back to the story at hand. I am trying to share many of this sweet families status updates on my Facebook page but one in particular stuck out to me.

Pastor Gary, his son and daughter, wife and grandson in their home

This status was written by Sarah’s mom. It describes her feeling about her husband (our pastor) but it so describes Paul, our daddy, as well:

Today is a new day and we are continuing to keep our eyes on the One true HOPE. Gary’s mom is still in the hospital receiving antibiotics for pneumonia. Daniel’s wife, Michelle and Bill and the Riggs kids are joining us tonight. It will be sweet and crazy to be together.

So…I ask myself. Who will fill my car with gas and keep it clean if I lose the love of my life? And I will be mad at Gary if I have to do my own grocery shopping. These thoughts along with so many others remind me how spoiled I am by my precious husband. I’ve been told for many years to count each day as a gift. Now I know how important this is.

If you are holding a grudge against someone, please remember that life is fragile. Don’t waist a day before making amends.

With that said, I keep hearing my Beloved whispering “I’ve got this Baby girl.. Trust in Me.” He is covering me with that peace that surpasses all comprehension. He is my delight and I worship Him now and forever…no matter what happens.

They (and us too his church family) are grieving the idea that this man can lose his eye. Do we understand that God is sovereign? Absolutely! We know that He is trustworthy, He is able, He is competent to take care of us- all of his children but this still hurts.

Our daddy is in Guatemala on a mission trip right now and I am so glad that he has the opportunity to serve. He serves all day everyday both at home and at work no matter what. The quote above about filling the car up with gas, grocery shopping, getting my favorite yummies in the house are only some of the spoiling that my family receives. I know God is good and loves us and I don’t mind that Paul is gone- I just want him to be safe, I want him to be secure, I want our daddy to come home. I want the one that takes care of all of us safe and sound back here at home. I have my awesome mother here to help. It made such a difference to be able to take a nap and she went to get the donuts with Lexi (Paul’s Saturday treat to let me sleep in) as well as planted flowers with us, and made roast and potatoes. Even with all that, I want my sweet hubby to come home safe. Fortunately, we got his second life insurance policy just last month so I know that we will be fine whatever happens but I am scared. It isn’t that I don’t trust that no matter what God decides to do with our pastor and my husband that He will still work it for good, I guess I just want it my way. I want him back safe and sound. I want my friends Daddy to stay here and minister with us, to not have to go through this. Sure God is in charge but these things still hurt. Emotions don’t always obey truth they have to be processed through and made obedient but they are real none the less.

Paul keeps our home together. I know that is normally the mommy’s job. I guess because I own my business that has exploded lately we have depended on him even more. It isn’t that I even mind shopping- he just has more time to do it. I like to buy Christmas presents but he does such a better job searching the sale wracks all year long so by Christmas we have had everything for a long time.

Lexi said tonight:

“In most houses it is like “mom mom mom mom”, in our house it is always “dad dad dad dad”….

“Do you think I should do a better job with taking care of you guys?”

“Well, in our family it’s like we are treating dad like our servant”

“You Lukie and I should do more for ourselves”

…..Lexi

Out of the mouths of babes.

So, am I proud that I am not like normal women, that I cannot do without my husband who lets me sleep in, lets me take a nap, gets off work and says “How can I help you?” Immediately his first thought is “What can I do?” (ok sometimes he asks that after he has shopped at Marshalls or Ross) and then he goes and does anything that is needed. Picks Lexi up from school, takes her to carpool, goes and gets things we need. I could go on and on and on and I want him back home safe and sound. I don’t want him hurt on this trip. I don’t mind him going; I do mind him not coming home. Is the devil just playing with me? Do I not trust God? Yes, I know that God is strong enough and big enough to take care of us even if our daddy doesn’t come back but just like Luke told him tonight “Please come home daddy”.

I haven’t had to face imminent danger with my father yet although it is coming, but I am hurting for my sweet Sarah who now has to face it with her daddy. I am not as strong as these women that manage their whole homes with grace and beauty and dignity, who care for their world with amazing ease. I depend on our daddy and I want him to be safe. I also want our pastor to be safe and free of the cancer- whatever that means.

It still hurts though. I told the kids about pastor Gary’s cancer. A little girl in Lexi’s school has it right now so they understand some but not everything. They do know tomorrow’s service will be very special and they are to be there (with good attitudes) with me to hear him speak. For now we grieve………but Sunday’s a coming…………I think he will comfort us all.

Behind the Scenes

Posted on April 3, 2013 by milemarkerblog

As I previously blogged we matched with 5 embryos 2pn stage. That means that these embryos were fertilized and then frozen immediately (Day 2 hence 2pn). There are a variety of types of embryos based on how old they are and how they are frozen- slow freeze or fast freeze (called vitrification). Embryos that live longer in the petri dish- grow to be 3 days old or 5 or even 6 days old tend to have a better chance of survival. We didn’t know this at the time we matched with those embryos. I thought I had done enough research (obviously a little more might have been helpful) and heavens- there were five of them. Not everything was said and done on October 1^st though when we received that email. Following the initial match there were further tests and blood tests and things seemed to take an unusually long time even when December came around we were still “in process”. We thought it would happen- I am still not quite sure why things stayed in process so long. Contracts to sign, blood work to be done (infectious disease) and just hold ups.

Let me back up here before I fully go into December. At our home study the last August the social worker asked us if we were open to a baby. We said that there was no way we could say no. Knowing our history we were reluctant to get involved with birth moms. That being said, they did go ahead and tell us about different birth moms that were looking in to adoption. I will withhold some of the emotion roller coaster even from the slightest hint that there might be a baby. All these months learned about their lullaby home. This is a temporary foster home where infants go immediately from the hospital to stay until their permanent family can come get them. Child Placement Center works with several families overseas and so sometimes the babies have to stay in this home for a small amount of time. We knew that they had a little boy and a little girl that were waiting for their adoptive parents. Thanksgiving came and the little girl went home. December 9^th rolled around and I received a phone call the little boy (Finn) was still in their foster home. Something was potentially wrong with his original adoption. I had a hard time believing it, no way were we actually going to be able to adopt a little boy.

After all that we had experienced it was actually going to happen?

What about the embryos?

What should we do?

What in the world was God doing?

Ohhhhhh- a baby for Christmas!

Could we dare hope?

When all our dreams were coming true (It seems God was giving us the desires of our hearts- another child) I personally had a type of insecurity, a little mini crisis……

Why adopt embryos? Part 4 Choosing the family that will forever be related to you

Posted on April 2, 2013 by milemarkerblog

How does that old saying go?

“You can choose your friends but you sho’ can’t choose your family, an’ they’re still kin to you no matter whether you acknowledge ’em or not, and it makes you look right silly when you don’t.”

― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

I have to say, this is one of the most awesome parts of embryo adoption. The ability to determine if you are a good match with amazing people who are likeminded and want life for their embryos is an amazing gift. I feel like I am looking at future in laws when I look at a family’s profile on paper. What are they like? How do they run their family? What is important to them? What are the natural inclinations of the other children? One thing that is the same about all of these families- they want their frozen children to have life. They want them to at least have a chance at life. These families also almost always have children from the set of embryos that they are placing so the frozen babies are siblings to the ones that have already been born.

How cool is that?

Let me clarify here, all families vary on the desire to have a closed or open relationship, but I would say that the majority of the families desire at least some contact. They want their children to meet their siblings in the future. Paul and I were very comfortable about this and want these children to know how much they are loved by not only us but their biological parents. They can feel connected to their older siblings (of course I am not there yet so I may be in an idyllic lala land). I also want to speak of the quality of the families that we have encountered, even the ones with which we have not matched. They are amazing, educated, high morals, and want their frozen babies to have the opportunity at a full life with their future family. These families run the gamut of talents and gifts but they are almost always a husband and wife that want their children to be educated, given opportunities in the arts, athletics, and to grow in love of their fellow man. Isn’t that what every adoptive mother (or couple) wants for their child.

We were given the opportunity to see the genetic background for all of the families (one at a time) as we looked for our potential matches. We were able to see what the parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles all excelled in. What kind of business did they participate in? (Might we have a future entrepreneur in the family or a future musician?) What was their health history? Why did they have fertility struggles? Are they carriers of any genetically related issues? Paul and I carefully read over everything- I have not ever been in to genealogies but this was a great part of the matching process. I could go on and on about how valuable this information was. It was not a deal breaker in any of our decisions though- I will tell you that. Really, who of us doesn’t have a crazy Aunt Ethel or a family member that has struggled with a certain illness? You know going in to a match a lot of information about the family.

There are currently embryos that are waiting that have siblings with autism or other special needs. This does tend to make those children a little harder to place- perhaps you have a special heart and would be willing to give those little ones a chance. Here is the link to the waiting embryos at Snowflakes….. (Why do I sound like a commercial?)

http://www.nightlight.org/snowflakes-waiting-embryos/

Some are also special cases because they are multi-ethnic. We were actually open to these as well.

http://www.nightlight.org/snowflake-embryo-adoption/adopt-multi-ethnic-embryos/

So, the 4^th and final thing (for now) that is an advantage of embryo adoption is the ability to choose who you will forever be related to, and on what level. How much closeness is good for each of you? This has been an amazing blessing so far. There is one family that we did not match with (I will blog about that this week). We are still chatting occasionally and cheering each other on. Of course, we love people so this is hugely attractive to Paul and me!

May I indulge with a few more pictures of “Christmas” last weekend? We were not able to make it to Oklahoma and Paul’s mom hasn’t been feeling well enough to travel to us so we waited until this weekend to travel up there so we were able to get Christmas Stockings, Christmas gifts, and tons of fun with our older cousins…hours of fun building a fort too!

IPAD’s are SO interesting! Did you know three can play on one mini at a time? True

Long awaited Christmas Gifts

My Hot Wheel Fanatic!

Love Grandma Sugar

Of Course, Money is always our favorite!

She wanted a bow and arrow! Ha!

That is one scary alarm clock!

Happy Wednesday!

Run up that hill…..

OVER SHARING

Posted on April 1, 2013 by milemarkerblog

So, I had a conversation with my brother in law last night about how much was appropriate to share on Facebook. We all have seen the posts. Some drone on and on with information that is not all that interesting and well, really not exactly appropriate to be shared on Facebook.Children’s toileting habits come to mind. I am guilty as charged- I over share from time to time. I recently have made a concerted effort to not share more than what is appropriate. That said, this boundary is different for every person. There are a couple of “selfish reasons” to choose embryo adoption so, at the risk of “over sharing” I would like to put one of them in today’s post.

The Financials

My brother also said this weekend “How much does that cost?” Leave it to my brother to get that out there. I didn’t mind. Finances are a big deal in our family. All of my immediate family members have homes that are paid for and no debt. We don’t do debt; we have a low tolerance for risks when it comes to investments- we don’t do single stock trading or oil futures. Paul and I do Dave Ramsey, we live on cash- one day I will write a ranting blog all about personal finance- it is a topic that I am highly energized by and passionate about. Suffice it so say for this conversation I will stick to the financial implications of Embryo adoption.

Embryo adoption is the cheapest adoption out there (that I have found). I know that foster to adopt can be less expensive but compared to overseas adoption as well as private adoption embryo adoption is hands down less expensive. I think everyone wants to ask this question but is afraid to because they don’t want to seem nosy- nose away! Here is the breakdown (now, this is only from our particular agency):

Fixed Costs for Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Program

The Snowflakes Embryo Adoption program is an ALL INCLUSIVE service. The items listed below are NOT SEPARATE, but all are included in the Snowflakes program fee. Your entire embryo adoption, including home study and medical expenses should cost between $10,000 – $15,000. The price range is based on our understanding of other agency program fees, home study fees and frozen embryo transfer fees.

Program Management & $3,500.00
Current and Future Client Communications and Records Storage:

Legal Contract Development and Coordination: $2,500.00

Fertility Clinic Coordination & $1,000.00
Embryo Shipping:

Food and Drug Administration Compliance and Donor Testing: $1,000.00

Total Snowflakes Program Fee: $8,000.00

These are sourced from the following website link

http://www.nightlight.org/snowflake-embryo-adoption/

Additional Fees are incurred for the following reasons:

Homestudy- for us performed by a local agency Child Placement Center about $2000.

Here is the link to Child Placement Center (I am super excited in future posts to talk more about this agency- they come into play soon!).

http://childplacementcenter.org/

Fertility Doctor Fees- These range based on where you are a patient and on your particular situation. Your insurance may cover some fertility needs. You may be able to have some procedures covered by insurance as well. For example my HSG (hystosalpingogram) was covered by my insurance as well. Once I am pregnant I also will then be covered by insurance.

Medications- This is one that I was not expecting! Hello, who knew Crinone Gel would be so expensive? (about $750)

All that said, this is actually one of the more affordable adoptions out there.

Who knew?

I have been away from blogging for a couple of days to fully enjoy the family this Easter. We have a family tradition of getting together with my Dad’s side of the family at Easter time instead of Christmas time because things get so busy. We used to do Christmas at Easter but we have dropped Christmas gift exchange entirely and now we just do Easter and hang out at my Aunt’s amazing backyard! Here are a few select pictures of the fun.

My doll baby!

Grandma’s Goslings

Sweet Lukie

Grandma’s Cake

Who might this be???? Stay Tuned—–I can hardly wait to tell his story!

My Nephew- sweet boy!

All my parent’s Grand kids! I just like how Luke and Joshua are looking at each other!

Angelic Noelle my niece

These three are going to be trouble waiting to happen!

Blurry of Dad and I while Luke was taking pictures!

As I sat in Easter morning service (how I love Easter) tears were in my eyes (I hid them of course). There is just something about singing about the joy of our Savior. It was also a time to think about the coming year. Will we have our own Snowflake this time next year?

Whatever the answer we will rejoice!

Have a great week!

Run Hard!