Welcome to the Family!

Posted on April 16, 2013 by milemarkerblog

I have been away for over a week due to Paul being in Guatemala on a medical mission trip. So much has happened today with a shooting at the local high school and the bombing of the Boston Marathon yesterday. So much to process and I am not really there yet. At times I think “What world will these precious children grow up in?” “What will there life be like 20 years from now?” Do we really want to bring up more kids in this ugly world? Of course the resounding answer is that God is in control. From the first day until now nothing happens that he doesn’t know about. I am going to just post some photos today because I need a little more time to problem solve, meditate, and ruminate through everything. As I said in my last blog, when we found out about Jonathan we could not get him fast enough. I cannot imagine having to wait any longer than we did to get him. I want to share some of our first photo session with him. My children have a special love for their brother. It is amazing!

Photo credit to Kelly Hosch.

I cannot tell you what an amazing man this daddy is. Anyone who knows Paul knows he is something special, something different. I was apprehensive about him going to Guatemala- I will admit it! I don’t want to do life without him and I don’t want these kids to lose him. Selfish, I know. On the other hand, I am glad that we got the rest of our life insurance! (Hey, I am practical!)

I love my brother. I only have one brother. He is also an amazing man with an equally amazing family. They could easily fill up three blogs with more information than you would want to hear my musings on. They also have an even better story to tell. I didn’t know kids could be as close as these kids are- the love that Lexi and Luke have for their little brother is really something that is new to me. Perhaps because these are a little older (my brother and I are 13 months apart) they wanted Jonathan and appreciate him more than I ever did my brother. This is a new concept for me. They really wanted this little boy!

Luke- oh heavens! That child has such energy! Remember how I DID NOT want a BOY! Wow, I sure would have missed out on God’s amazing blessing. Even now he is my sleeping buddy. Don’t judge, I know you are supposed to kick the kids out of the bed- we don’t do the whole co-sleeper thing- but since Jonathan has been here our sleeping arrangements have been a little different. Paul sleeps by the monitor in the living room (did I mention he snores) Lexi in “grandma’s bed” and Luke with me. I love just being able to touch his foot as he sleeps or waking up with his foot or arm over my face and listening to his little snores. Boy how I love that boy!

Lexi, my doll baby! She has a heart of gold, gift from God, just like my mother in law, or a girl version of her daddy. Modest, caring, loving, she cares about her friends, the feelings of others, and she really desires to be a little mother. More on her spirit and what she is teaching me soon.

Brotherly love- I will do a whole post on this one! I was so busy with hearing Lexi wanting a sister I never even stopped to realize (until after we had him) how much Luke needed a brother or how special this relationship would be. Jonathan will laugh at Luke more than anyone else. Luke can come up and dance for him and he kicks and tries to dance, Lexi comes up-he smiles. Luke, he jumps out of his seat almost, Lexi again- a little giggle. Really, Jonathan has picked his favorite- it isn’t mommy or daddy- it is LUKE!

I get the privilege of mothering this child!

So, this is our new family. Now we are 5!

A little part of this picture is missing. I would so love for Jonathan’s bio mom to know what an amazing gift she has given us. We haven’t met her and haven’t been able to tell her Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you! I hope we will someday!

Run on!

Jonathan Thomas

Posted on April 9, 2013 by milemarkerblog

After we got the call “We have a little boy”. This one is ours. He is ours? He is for us? You mean, for real? For so long we have been praying for embryos, birth moms, babies, siblings, etc., and this one is actually ours?

A wave of emotion that I did not expect flooded over me. Could I do a good job taking care of this child? I had no doubt with KK. This one I did not know, I had not planned on, and we weren’t expecting. Could we afford it? This adoption would be a lot more expensive than the embryo adoption. There were a few hours of tears, possibly the release of emotions that we were finally going to get to keep a baby but also a doubt in myself that I was capable. That being said, the question very quickly became “How quick can we get him here”. I now understood the longing that every adoptive family feels when they have been placed with a child that they know is theirs however they are on the other side of the world. Our child could have been in Egypt he seemed so far away. In reality he was only two hours away but we wanted him NOW! A part of our family was somewhere else- he belonged here- in this home. It happens just that fast with adoption. I think that God changes our chemistry and creates bonds like this. We weren’t exactly in the clear yet. He was ours, mother’s rights had been terminated, but the original adoptive mother had not actually signed the documents to release the Child Placement Center from their contract with her. It was only 10 days from December 9^th until we had him in our home on December 19^th but it felt like an eternity! The mom never got back to the agency so they had to send her a legal paper that let her know that she was released. I don’t know all of the exact issues and legaleez but we didn’t like waiting! I think the concern was that we would lose this one too! We had been through this and we just wanted him with us- where he belonged.

Here are some pictures of his Gotcha day where we were able to bring Jonathan home. This was the first time we had ever even seen him in person.

The kids had to wait while we signed all the forms.

Loving on Julie!

First Look at Him

First Touch and cuddle

More Cuddles!

Lexi’s card for Jonathan

Julie wants cuddles too

Sweet Sleep

Reading JT the card

Family attention

Always close by

Luke reading JT the card

Precious Father Son Moment

Can’t get enough

: Can you see the Beam in his eye?

Something was funny

Final Good Bye Fabulous Foster Family

Our new family!

Praise Him From Whom All Blessing’s Flow! We were going to have the BEST Christmas Gift ever!

Behind the Scenes

Posted on April 3, 2013 by milemarkerblog

As I previously blogged we matched with 5 embryos 2pn stage. That means that these embryos were fertilized and then frozen immediately (Day 2 hence 2pn). There are a variety of types of embryos based on how old they are and how they are frozen- slow freeze or fast freeze (called vitrification). Embryos that live longer in the petri dish- grow to be 3 days old or 5 or even 6 days old tend to have a better chance of survival. We didn’t know this at the time we matched with those embryos. I thought I had done enough research (obviously a little more might have been helpful) and heavens- there were five of them. Not everything was said and done on October 1^st though when we received that email. Following the initial match there were further tests and blood tests and things seemed to take an unusually long time even when December came around we were still “in process”. We thought it would happen- I am still not quite sure why things stayed in process so long. Contracts to sign, blood work to be done (infectious disease) and just hold ups.

Let me back up here before I fully go into December. At our home study the last August the social worker asked us if we were open to a baby. We said that there was no way we could say no. Knowing our history we were reluctant to get involved with birth moms. That being said, they did go ahead and tell us about different birth moms that were looking in to adoption. I will withhold some of the emotion roller coaster even from the slightest hint that there might be a baby. All these months learned about their lullaby home. This is a temporary foster home where infants go immediately from the hospital to stay until their permanent family can come get them. Child Placement Center works with several families overseas and so sometimes the babies have to stay in this home for a small amount of time. We knew that they had a little boy and a little girl that were waiting for their adoptive parents. Thanksgiving came and the little girl went home. December 9^th rolled around and I received a phone call the little boy (Finn) was still in their foster home. Something was potentially wrong with his original adoption. I had a hard time believing it, no way were we actually going to be able to adopt a little boy.

After all that we had experienced it was actually going to happen?

What about the embryos?

What should we do?

What in the world was God doing?

Ohhhhhh- a baby for Christmas!

Could we dare hope?

When all our dreams were coming true (It seems God was giving us the desires of our hearts- another child) I personally had a type of insecurity, a little mini crisis……

Why adopt embryos? Part 4 Choosing the family that will forever be related to you

Posted on April 2, 2013 by milemarkerblog

How does that old saying go?

“You can choose your friends but you sho’ can’t choose your family, an’ they’re still kin to you no matter whether you acknowledge ’em or not, and it makes you look right silly when you don’t.”

― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

I have to say, this is one of the most awesome parts of embryo adoption. The ability to determine if you are a good match with amazing people who are likeminded and want life for their embryos is an amazing gift. I feel like I am looking at future in laws when I look at a family’s profile on paper. What are they like? How do they run their family? What is important to them? What are the natural inclinations of the other children? One thing that is the same about all of these families- they want their frozen children to have life. They want them to at least have a chance at life. These families also almost always have children from the set of embryos that they are placing so the frozen babies are siblings to the ones that have already been born.

How cool is that?

Let me clarify here, all families vary on the desire to have a closed or open relationship, but I would say that the majority of the families desire at least some contact. They want their children to meet their siblings in the future. Paul and I were very comfortable about this and want these children to know how much they are loved by not only us but their biological parents. They can feel connected to their older siblings (of course I am not there yet so I may be in an idyllic lala land). I also want to speak of the quality of the families that we have encountered, even the ones with which we have not matched. They are amazing, educated, high morals, and want their frozen babies to have the opportunity at a full life with their future family. These families run the gamut of talents and gifts but they are almost always a husband and wife that want their children to be educated, given opportunities in the arts, athletics, and to grow in love of their fellow man. Isn’t that what every adoptive mother (or couple) wants for their child.

We were given the opportunity to see the genetic background for all of the families (one at a time) as we looked for our potential matches. We were able to see what the parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles all excelled in. What kind of business did they participate in? (Might we have a future entrepreneur in the family or a future musician?) What was their health history? Why did they have fertility struggles? Are they carriers of any genetically related issues? Paul and I carefully read over everything- I have not ever been in to genealogies but this was a great part of the matching process. I could go on and on about how valuable this information was. It was not a deal breaker in any of our decisions though- I will tell you that. Really, who of us doesn’t have a crazy Aunt Ethel or a family member that has struggled with a certain illness? You know going in to a match a lot of information about the family.

There are currently embryos that are waiting that have siblings with autism or other special needs. This does tend to make those children a little harder to place- perhaps you have a special heart and would be willing to give those little ones a chance. Here is the link to the waiting embryos at Snowflakes….. (Why do I sound like a commercial?)

http://www.nightlight.org/snowflakes-waiting-embryos/

Some are also special cases because they are multi-ethnic. We were actually open to these as well.

http://www.nightlight.org/snowflake-embryo-adoption/adopt-multi-ethnic-embryos/

So, the 4^th and final thing (for now) that is an advantage of embryo adoption is the ability to choose who you will forever be related to, and on what level. How much closeness is good for each of you? This has been an amazing blessing so far. There is one family that we did not match with (I will blog about that this week). We are still chatting occasionally and cheering each other on. Of course, we love people so this is hugely attractive to Paul and me!

May I indulge with a few more pictures of “Christmas” last weekend? We were not able to make it to Oklahoma and Paul’s mom hasn’t been feeling well enough to travel to us so we waited until this weekend to travel up there so we were able to get Christmas Stockings, Christmas gifts, and tons of fun with our older cousins…hours of fun building a fort too!