People Pleaser Right Here

Posted on August 12, 2013 by milemarkerblog

I like to be liked. I am a people pleaser. I cannot stand it when someone is upset with me. I get anxiety just thinking that I may have offended someone or that I may not be doing something the right way. Since I own a business I have become pretty good at being professional, creating a plan to address issues, and tackling the issues head on but deep down inside I still have that desire to please people. I believe courteousness and the ability to read people and react properly are skills that are developed and I have improved with those over the years and subsequently my ability to please people has evolved. That being said, I am not capable of pleasing everyone and it still bothers me! Ask that friend from college, ask that patient that I had 10 years ago when I first got out of school, ask that more recent friend that I let down. Just this week ask that one person (or two) that didn’t think I came across right.
I could write a bunch right now about how we should aim to please God not man at all times. I know that but what about that verse in Luke where Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and favor with God and man. Kamp Kanakuk calls it the 4 square life. Often times pleasing the Savior will result in better relationships with other people. I guess I have a little bit more work to do to be where I need to be, both to release my hurt feelings and not have hurt feelings in the first place, but to trust God with every issue that may come up.
Enough of my mire….let me show you some cute pics that we haven’t shared

The dressy dress is due to attending the service of a beautiful family who lost there daughter after 6 hours of life. What a great time to celebrate her little life.

Birthday Party for some Friends! What a joy!

Great times in the foam pit

Half Serious smile- best he could do!

Love Yall,

SDG

Texas in the Spring

Posted on May 6, 2013 by milemarkerblog

It is always a tradition to have Bluebonnet pictures made around the Dillon Household. Even the very first Easter Lexi was standing in snow on the Bluebonnets. Gotta love Texas weather.

Another part of every spring and every April 15 lies TAX DAY. I am not going to delve to deeply into that except to tell you that we have a huge shock with our taxes this year resulting in the Dillon Family returning to a sequestration status. I think I have scared sweet Lexi because we aren’t going out to eat….save 1 meal a week. I am on a spending freeze for everything except necessities. As Dave Ramsey would call it a rice and beans…beans and rice budget.

So, as I got the kids ready to take pictures with our friend Gabrielle Cole she said “Mommy, pictures cost money- can we afford it?” Sweet girl. In reality I had cancelled pictures with Gabrielle let her know that we were not spending money on anything. I mean anything unless it is necessary. Gabrielle was so kind and was willing to go ahead and take our pics for us……We were so thankful and I hope to reward her in the future!

Take time now to visit her blog or to visit her on FB- she is a wonderful baby sitting and photographer. She has reasonable prices and she stays calmer than I do when Luke always decides that the photo time is the time to act like a maniac. Some how he things this is the time to act up. Even if he has been an angel all day. I will never know what it is!

Please send Gabrielle some love and some business for me! She deserves it!

http://gabriellecole.com/

https://www.facebook.com/gabrielle.cole.7161

Anyway….here go the pictures of the Dillon kids.

Thank you sweet friend!

SDG

Short Report

Posted on April 26, 2013 by milemarkerblog

Here is the email message that I sent the genetic family and our Adoption agency 10-24-13

10-24-13 PM

Today’s transfer appears to be successful so far. They did need to thaw all 8 blasts. That is the bad news. The good news is they have 3 that they think look very good. I do not have any information on grading yet or anything like that- I will get it to you as soon as I do. I do know 2-3 were immediately “not looking good” and that 2 of them the jury was out on- they were going to watch them for a few more hours but they were not comfortable with selecting those for us at the moment. I can tell you the very last blast they thawed was the best looking one and it went in. Tom (who has done this for 20+ years and handled the conversation on the phone with me when we lost our last 5) handled all of the transfer as well as the thaw. He is going to get me a full report. Another positive is that if those two end up viable they will be able to vitrify them when they refreeze- or vitrify one as needed. The statistical survival after a slow freeze (as these originally were due to the technology available at the time) have about an 80% thaw rate. The success of transfer after a vitrified embryo is used is equal to that of a fresh cycle- virtually no loss with thawing.

On to the process, they took me back and took a look at everything- they have big screen TV set up where we watched Tom take the embryos into the straw then he opened a door and brought them into the room, the transfer was complete then he took the straw back next door to put back into the medium to make sure it was clear and that all embryos were in. Sure enough, there was one still in the straw- straggler!

That immediately concerned me and I asked how often that happened he said 10% of the time. That isn’t good odds was my thought! He then told a story of a family that they were transferring three when they took it back and found one in the medium, they returned to transfer that one and when they went back there were two in the medium this time!!!!! He returned the two to where they should have been resulting in a twin pregnancy for that family. Anecdotal information really isn’t all that helpful- everyone has a friend who had xyz happen to them.

Anyway, on the second pass the straggler went in however when he returned the straw to the medium there was blood cells etc that had not been there the first time. I don’t think that is anything to worry about but it was an aberration from the norm. He then moved the magnifying glass over to the word clear signalling that sweet straggler had made it. At that time the speculum (how do you spell that) was removed and I was moved over to the gurney. I told them I could get over there but I was not to move for 20 minutes- Dr S has a specific spot where he holds on to the pt to slide them over to the gurney. After 20 minutes in recovery they let me go to the bathroom and use my first crinone dose for the day then to go home and rest. After that valium I was rather tired anyway.

Whew! There is the long and the short of the actual procedure.

Here are the first baby pictures

Hopefully God will grant that one of these little ones will take hold and develop into a baby. I think we have a good chance.

Pray it takes!

Baby #8- the strongest one of the bunch

Babies 1 and 2 they were reasonable with about 60-70% Viable cells….

SDG

Timing is Everything

Posted on April 25, 2013 by milemarkerblog

Fertility is amazing. Did you know that when it comes to conceiving the day that the embryos go in must match up with the day that the uterus is. For example, you don’t want to put 3-day old embryos in a 6-day along uterus, likewise, 5-day embryos can’t survive in a 3-day uterus…..amazing!

Written on 4-24-13

So, today is the day. The day to relax, spend time with the Lord and make sure my body is as calm as possible to be ready to accept these babies. Everything is going to happen just like that right? Sure….yeah right…..

This morning I got one of those dreaded texts from one of my therapists

“We need to talk”

“I am not going to be taking as many visits as in the past”

….this came from one of the girls I count on the most, a fabulous awesome therapist that I DO NOT want to do business without. No therapist is so important that we can’t do business without them and sometimes when I have lost what I thought was the best therapist ever Marathon has been even stronger as a result. You see, I hold Marathon with an open hand- God gave us this business; it is to His glory and honor that we serve our patients and each other. It is not of our own desires we are here to please Him and to honor His desires. We are here to give hope to our patients and to serve our agencies as well as serve the therapists.

I really hate any “We need to talk” statements be it text, on the phone, or email. It instantly sends chills up my spine and strikes fear in my heart. What is next, what have I done, what do I need to fix, what did I do wrong? Those things all immediately challenge my focus, my heart, my sense of comfort and peace. I always am worried about what is on the other side of them. Is it something that we can work out or did I mess up majorly. I digress, but perhaps I am the only one that instantly sees a problem as a personal deficiency on my part, a personal failure. I think most men see a problem as a challenge, they see it as a bridge to jump over, a hurdle that can lead to further success. I just want to go hide under a rock and say I am sorry a hundred times- even when it wasn’t my problem in the first place. This definitely doesn’t work so well when attempting to run a business or be a leader! I digress.

I was feeling sorry for myself when I texted a friend…..”Why today?” “Why would that person need to send me that message today?” “Why did I look at it?” and all sorts of other sorry for myself kinda things. As soon as I got those words out reality hit me like a ton of bricks. Today we are to transfer our babies. Hopefully God will graciously give us a pregnancy and life from today. If there is one person that hates life itself that is the devil. I don’t like making everything about the devil. I don’t want to make it totally “the devil made me do it” Sin is sin and we bring a lot of consequences on ourselves that have NOTHING to do with the devil but I do believe in this one case that the devil was definitely in charge of the timing as a goal of getting me off base, worked up, and taking my eyes off of Christ, off of the job at hand. If I am focusing on a temporal/ unimportant problem then I am wasting tons of energy from the important things. I know that I do this on days other than just today. I am sure that I do this commonly throughout the day.

God is in control, today, tomorrow, yesterday and forever more.

Period.

Welcome to the Family!

Posted on April 16, 2013 by milemarkerblog

I have been away for over a week due to Paul being in Guatemala on a medical mission trip. So much has happened today with a shooting at the local high school and the bombing of the Boston Marathon yesterday. So much to process and I am not really there yet. At times I think “What world will these precious children grow up in?” “What will there life be like 20 years from now?” Do we really want to bring up more kids in this ugly world? Of course the resounding answer is that God is in control. From the first day until now nothing happens that he doesn’t know about. I am going to just post some photos today because I need a little more time to problem solve, meditate, and ruminate through everything. As I said in my last blog, when we found out about Jonathan we could not get him fast enough. I cannot imagine having to wait any longer than we did to get him. I want to share some of our first photo session with him. My children have a special love for their brother. It is amazing!

Photo credit to Kelly Hosch.

I cannot tell you what an amazing man this daddy is. Anyone who knows Paul knows he is something special, something different. I was apprehensive about him going to Guatemala- I will admit it! I don’t want to do life without him and I don’t want these kids to lose him. Selfish, I know. On the other hand, I am glad that we got the rest of our life insurance! (Hey, I am practical!)

I love my brother. I only have one brother. He is also an amazing man with an equally amazing family. They could easily fill up three blogs with more information than you would want to hear my musings on. They also have an even better story to tell. I didn’t know kids could be as close as these kids are- the love that Lexi and Luke have for their little brother is really something that is new to me. Perhaps because these are a little older (my brother and I are 13 months apart) they wanted Jonathan and appreciate him more than I ever did my brother. This is a new concept for me. They really wanted this little boy!

Luke- oh heavens! That child has such energy! Remember how I DID NOT want a BOY! Wow, I sure would have missed out on God’s amazing blessing. Even now he is my sleeping buddy. Don’t judge, I know you are supposed to kick the kids out of the bed- we don’t do the whole co-sleeper thing- but since Jonathan has been here our sleeping arrangements have been a little different. Paul sleeps by the monitor in the living room (did I mention he snores) Lexi in “grandma’s bed” and Luke with me. I love just being able to touch his foot as he sleeps or waking up with his foot or arm over my face and listening to his little snores. Boy how I love that boy!

Lexi, my doll baby! She has a heart of gold, gift from God, just like my mother in law, or a girl version of her daddy. Modest, caring, loving, she cares about her friends, the feelings of others, and she really desires to be a little mother. More on her spirit and what she is teaching me soon.

Brotherly love- I will do a whole post on this one! I was so busy with hearing Lexi wanting a sister I never even stopped to realize (until after we had him) how much Luke needed a brother or how special this relationship would be. Jonathan will laugh at Luke more than anyone else. Luke can come up and dance for him and he kicks and tries to dance, Lexi comes up-he smiles. Luke, he jumps out of his seat almost, Lexi again- a little giggle. Really, Jonathan has picked his favorite- it isn’t mommy or daddy- it is LUKE!

I get the privilege of mothering this child!

So, this is our new family. Now we are 5!

A little part of this picture is missing. I would so love for Jonathan’s bio mom to know what an amazing gift she has given us. We haven’t met her and haven’t been able to tell her Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you! I hope we will someday!

Run on!

Jonathan Thomas

Posted on April 9, 2013 by milemarkerblog

After we got the call “We have a little boy”. This one is ours. He is ours? He is for us? You mean, for real? For so long we have been praying for embryos, birth moms, babies, siblings, etc., and this one is actually ours?

A wave of emotion that I did not expect flooded over me. Could I do a good job taking care of this child? I had no doubt with KK. This one I did not know, I had not planned on, and we weren’t expecting. Could we afford it? This adoption would be a lot more expensive than the embryo adoption. There were a few hours of tears, possibly the release of emotions that we were finally going to get to keep a baby but also a doubt in myself that I was capable. That being said, the question very quickly became “How quick can we get him here”. I now understood the longing that every adoptive family feels when they have been placed with a child that they know is theirs however they are on the other side of the world. Our child could have been in Egypt he seemed so far away. In reality he was only two hours away but we wanted him NOW! A part of our family was somewhere else- he belonged here- in this home. It happens just that fast with adoption. I think that God changes our chemistry and creates bonds like this. We weren’t exactly in the clear yet. He was ours, mother’s rights had been terminated, but the original adoptive mother had not actually signed the documents to release the Child Placement Center from their contract with her. It was only 10 days from December 9^th until we had him in our home on December 19^th but it felt like an eternity! The mom never got back to the agency so they had to send her a legal paper that let her know that she was released. I don’t know all of the exact issues and legaleez but we didn’t like waiting! I think the concern was that we would lose this one too! We had been through this and we just wanted him with us- where he belonged.

Here are some pictures of his Gotcha day where we were able to bring Jonathan home. This was the first time we had ever even seen him in person.

The kids had to wait while we signed all the forms.

Loving on Julie!

First Look at Him

First Touch and cuddle

More Cuddles!

Lexi’s card for Jonathan

Julie wants cuddles too

Sweet Sleep

Reading JT the card

Family attention

Always close by

Luke reading JT the card

Precious Father Son Moment

Can’t get enough

: Can you see the Beam in his eye?

Something was funny

Final Good Bye Fabulous Foster Family

Our new family!

Praise Him From Whom All Blessing’s Flow! We were going to have the BEST Christmas Gift ever!

Sunday’s Coming

Posted on April 7, 2013 by milemarkerblog

I would have posted this video on Friday of last week but it is used so often at Easter. This video comes to my mind as a cry of hope (that was our word for the last year) in any time of discouragement or despair. It’s Friday, the world seems dark……Sunday’s A Coming!

As we get ready to worship this morning and feel down, we trust that Sunday is here!

Father, I am available to hear your words today.

Grieving

Posted on April 6, 2013 by milemarkerblog

Sleep won’t come tonight. I have had an angel sleeping next to me for almost three hours. She has the sweetest heart. Most of the time I am blogging our past experience but there are so many things that are happening in the here and now so today let me just speak my heart.

Our pastor has cancer, a malignant melanoma in his eye and Two possible spots on his liver. His daughter and I did residency together, we tried to get pregnant together. I vividly remember the day that I had to stand up and say I was pregnant with my sweet angel and she was still not pregnant yet. I am grieving for her with the idea of her father losing an eye possibly or possibly worse or possibly better. Sarah is part of the embryo story because she led us to Dr S., the specialist that we are using for our embryo adoption, and has 4 beautiful children now as a result of his help. I visited with her over a year ago again about who to pick; but back to the story at hand. I am trying to share many of this sweet families status updates on my Facebook page but one in particular stuck out to me.

Pastor Gary, his son and daughter, wife and grandson in their home

This status was written by Sarah’s mom. It describes her feeling about her husband (our pastor) but it so describes Paul, our daddy, as well:

Today is a new day and we are continuing to keep our eyes on the One true HOPE. Gary’s mom is still in the hospital receiving antibiotics for pneumonia. Daniel’s wife, Michelle and Bill and the Riggs kids are joining us tonight. It will be sweet and crazy to be together.

So…I ask myself. Who will fill my car with gas and keep it clean if I lose the love of my life? And I will be mad at Gary if I have to do my own grocery shopping. These thoughts along with so many others remind me how spoiled I am by my precious husband. I’ve been told for many years to count each day as a gift. Now I know how important this is.

If you are holding a grudge against someone, please remember that life is fragile. Don’t waist a day before making amends.

With that said, I keep hearing my Beloved whispering “I’ve got this Baby girl.. Trust in Me.” He is covering me with that peace that surpasses all comprehension. He is my delight and I worship Him now and forever…no matter what happens.

They (and us too his church family) are grieving the idea that this man can lose his eye. Do we understand that God is sovereign? Absolutely! We know that He is trustworthy, He is able, He is competent to take care of us- all of his children but this still hurts.

Our daddy is in Guatemala on a mission trip right now and I am so glad that he has the opportunity to serve. He serves all day everyday both at home and at work no matter what. The quote above about filling the car up with gas, grocery shopping, getting my favorite yummies in the house are only some of the spoiling that my family receives. I know God is good and loves us and I don’t mind that Paul is gone- I just want him to be safe, I want him to be secure, I want our daddy to come home. I want the one that takes care of all of us safe and sound back here at home. I have my awesome mother here to help. It made such a difference to be able to take a nap and she went to get the donuts with Lexi (Paul’s Saturday treat to let me sleep in) as well as planted flowers with us, and made roast and potatoes. Even with all that, I want my sweet hubby to come home safe. Fortunately, we got his second life insurance policy just last month so I know that we will be fine whatever happens but I am scared. It isn’t that I don’t trust that no matter what God decides to do with our pastor and my husband that He will still work it for good, I guess I just want it my way. I want him back safe and sound. I want my friends Daddy to stay here and minister with us, to not have to go through this. Sure God is in charge but these things still hurt. Emotions don’t always obey truth they have to be processed through and made obedient but they are real none the less.

Paul keeps our home together. I know that is normally the mommy’s job. I guess because I own my business that has exploded lately we have depended on him even more. It isn’t that I even mind shopping- he just has more time to do it. I like to buy Christmas presents but he does such a better job searching the sale wracks all year long so by Christmas we have had everything for a long time.

Lexi said tonight:

“In most houses it is like “mom mom mom mom”, in our house it is always “dad dad dad dad”….

“Do you think I should do a better job with taking care of you guys?”

“Well, in our family it’s like we are treating dad like our servant”

“You Lukie and I should do more for ourselves”

…..Lexi

Out of the mouths of babes.

So, am I proud that I am not like normal women, that I cannot do without my husband who lets me sleep in, lets me take a nap, gets off work and says “How can I help you?” Immediately his first thought is “What can I do?” (ok sometimes he asks that after he has shopped at Marshalls or Ross) and then he goes and does anything that is needed. Picks Lexi up from school, takes her to carpool, goes and gets things we need. I could go on and on and on and I want him back home safe and sound. I don’t want him hurt on this trip. I don’t mind him going; I do mind him not coming home. Is the devil just playing with me? Do I not trust God? Yes, I know that God is strong enough and big enough to take care of us even if our daddy doesn’t come back but just like Luke told him tonight “Please come home daddy”.

I haven’t had to face imminent danger with my father yet although it is coming, but I am hurting for my sweet Sarah who now has to face it with her daddy. I am not as strong as these women that manage their whole homes with grace and beauty and dignity, who care for their world with amazing ease. I depend on our daddy and I want him to be safe. I also want our pastor to be safe and free of the cancer- whatever that means.

It still hurts though. I told the kids about pastor Gary’s cancer. A little girl in Lexi’s school has it right now so they understand some but not everything. They do know tomorrow’s service will be very special and they are to be there (with good attitudes) with me to hear him speak. For now we grieve………but Sunday’s a coming…………I think he will comfort us all.

Behind the Scenes

Posted on April 3, 2013 by milemarkerblog

As I previously blogged we matched with 5 embryos 2pn stage. That means that these embryos were fertilized and then frozen immediately (Day 2 hence 2pn). There are a variety of types of embryos based on how old they are and how they are frozen- slow freeze or fast freeze (called vitrification). Embryos that live longer in the petri dish- grow to be 3 days old or 5 or even 6 days old tend to have a better chance of survival. We didn’t know this at the time we matched with those embryos. I thought I had done enough research (obviously a little more might have been helpful) and heavens- there were five of them. Not everything was said and done on October 1^st though when we received that email. Following the initial match there were further tests and blood tests and things seemed to take an unusually long time even when December came around we were still “in process”. We thought it would happen- I am still not quite sure why things stayed in process so long. Contracts to sign, blood work to be done (infectious disease) and just hold ups.

Let me back up here before I fully go into December. At our home study the last August the social worker asked us if we were open to a baby. We said that there was no way we could say no. Knowing our history we were reluctant to get involved with birth moms. That being said, they did go ahead and tell us about different birth moms that were looking in to adoption. I will withhold some of the emotion roller coaster even from the slightest hint that there might be a baby. All these months learned about their lullaby home. This is a temporary foster home where infants go immediately from the hospital to stay until their permanent family can come get them. Child Placement Center works with several families overseas and so sometimes the babies have to stay in this home for a small amount of time. We knew that they had a little boy and a little girl that were waiting for their adoptive parents. Thanksgiving came and the little girl went home. December 9^th rolled around and I received a phone call the little boy (Finn) was still in their foster home. Something was potentially wrong with his original adoption. I had a hard time believing it, no way were we actually going to be able to adopt a little boy.

After all that we had experienced it was actually going to happen?

What about the embryos?

What should we do?

What in the world was God doing?

Ohhhhhh- a baby for Christmas!

Could we dare hope?

When all our dreams were coming true (It seems God was giving us the desires of our hearts- another child) I personally had a type of insecurity, a little mini crisis……

OVER SHARING

Posted on April 1, 2013 by milemarkerblog

So, I had a conversation with my brother in law last night about how much was appropriate to share on Facebook. We all have seen the posts. Some drone on and on with information that is not all that interesting and well, really not exactly appropriate to be shared on Facebook.Children’s toileting habits come to mind. I am guilty as charged- I over share from time to time. I recently have made a concerted effort to not share more than what is appropriate. That said, this boundary is different for every person. There are a couple of “selfish reasons” to choose embryo adoption so, at the risk of “over sharing” I would like to put one of them in today’s post.

The Financials

My brother also said this weekend “How much does that cost?” Leave it to my brother to get that out there. I didn’t mind. Finances are a big deal in our family. All of my immediate family members have homes that are paid for and no debt. We don’t do debt; we have a low tolerance for risks when it comes to investments- we don’t do single stock trading or oil futures. Paul and I do Dave Ramsey, we live on cash- one day I will write a ranting blog all about personal finance- it is a topic that I am highly energized by and passionate about. Suffice it so say for this conversation I will stick to the financial implications of Embryo adoption.

Embryo adoption is the cheapest adoption out there (that I have found). I know that foster to adopt can be less expensive but compared to overseas adoption as well as private adoption embryo adoption is hands down less expensive. I think everyone wants to ask this question but is afraid to because they don’t want to seem nosy- nose away! Here is the breakdown (now, this is only from our particular agency):

Fixed Costs for Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Program

The Snowflakes Embryo Adoption program is an ALL INCLUSIVE service. The items listed below are NOT SEPARATE, but all are included in the Snowflakes program fee. Your entire embryo adoption, including home study and medical expenses should cost between $10,000 – $15,000. The price range is based on our understanding of other agency program fees, home study fees and frozen embryo transfer fees.

Program Management & $3,500.00
Current and Future Client Communications and Records Storage:

Legal Contract Development and Coordination: $2,500.00

Fertility Clinic Coordination & $1,000.00
Embryo Shipping:

Food and Drug Administration Compliance and Donor Testing: $1,000.00

Total Snowflakes Program Fee: $8,000.00

These are sourced from the following website link

http://www.nightlight.org/snowflake-embryo-adoption/

Additional Fees are incurred for the following reasons:

Homestudy- for us performed by a local agency Child Placement Center about $2000.

Here is the link to Child Placement Center (I am super excited in future posts to talk more about this agency- they come into play soon!).

http://childplacementcenter.org/

Fertility Doctor Fees- These range based on where you are a patient and on your particular situation. Your insurance may cover some fertility needs. You may be able to have some procedures covered by insurance as well. For example my HSG (hystosalpingogram) was covered by my insurance as well. Once I am pregnant I also will then be covered by insurance.

Medications- This is one that I was not expecting! Hello, who knew Crinone Gel would be so expensive? (about $750)

All that said, this is actually one of the more affordable adoptions out there.

Who knew?

I have been away from blogging for a couple of days to fully enjoy the family this Easter. We have a family tradition of getting together with my Dad’s side of the family at Easter time instead of Christmas time because things get so busy. We used to do Christmas at Easter but we have dropped Christmas gift exchange entirely and now we just do Easter and hang out at my Aunt’s amazing backyard! Here are a few select pictures of the fun.

My doll baby!

Grandma’s Goslings

Sweet Lukie

Grandma’s Cake

Who might this be???? Stay Tuned—–I can hardly wait to tell his story!

My Nephew- sweet boy!

All my parent’s Grand kids! I just like how Luke and Joshua are looking at each other!

Angelic Noelle my niece

These three are going to be trouble waiting to happen!

Blurry of Dad and I while Luke was taking pictures!

As I sat in Easter morning service (how I love Easter) tears were in my eyes (I hid them of course). There is just something about singing about the joy of our Savior. It was also a time to think about the coming year. Will we have our own Snowflake this time next year?

Whatever the answer we will rejoice!

Have a great week!

Run Hard!