The Verdict is In

Posted on May 3, 2013 by milemarkerblog

I will not delay the drama- we are pregnant.

However we are early, only 4w1d. As many of you know infant loss and miscarriage is very very real so we are still trust God with all of our steps.

Let me just recap a little of what happened over the last week or so.

After my original enthusiasm over the 3 surviving embryos I spoke to the Embryologist (Tom) at the end of the day on 4-25-13. I asked him what the percentages on the form meant. They read like this

Embryo 1- 70%

Embryo 2- 60%

Embryo 3- 40%

Embryo 4-10%

Embryo 5- 50%

Embryo 6- 40%

Embryo 7-50%

Embryo 8- 70%

“What in the world does that mean?” He replied “Those are the amount of cells that were alive in the embryos.” I was stunned. You mean that only 70% of the blastula’s cells are alive? He walked me through some of the pictures as well as how they determined what embryos “had the potential for life” (that is a whole blog post in its own right) and which ones do not have the potential. Sitting where I am, I am grateful for a man with such wisdom to not transfer something to me that has no chance for life. He further explained the difference between the cells that have separated into the inner cell mass (that becomes the baby) and the outer cells (that becomes the placenta). Both of these two parts have to be forming properly to have a baby. After that I asked him what he would rate the blastulas. He told me B’s or C’s. Those of you who are familiar with fertility AA is the best AB means the baby part looks good and the placenta part looks pretty good but not as good as the AA would look. BB the BA or AB or CC or BC….on and on it goes. They rate the part of the blastula that makes the baby and then the part that makes the placenta. I am not sure why I wanted to know his ratings but I did. It actually shocked me to reality. After the excitement of the previous day I was now praying that God would grant us favor and allow a pregnancy. It was sort of sad though. I was thinking “I don’t know if I can do all of this over again”. I want these babies or this baby for our family and for the genetic family. I want them to have another child- a sibling for their daughter- I want to have another child. I don’t want to be responsible for losing these babies.

Let me tell you a little more about what happens to the embryos when they are thawed. In the past the only way to freeze embryos was by using a slow freeze technique. This results in less than 80% of the embryos surviving when they are later thawed. (Now they use a process called vitrification where they can “flash freeze” embryos with a 98% successful thaw rate.) When these embryos were thawed 3 of them were immediately considered not viable- Embryos 3, 4, 6. Embryo 5 and 7 were not considered appropriate for transfer however they wanted to grow them overnight and then see what they looked like on 4-25 before they made a decision. The next morning those embryos had also retarded their growth (stopped growing) and had darkened. This means that they were not going to be viable in the future. What if one of those had done well? They would have frozen it by vitrification and we would know that it was doing well to be able to thaw the next time.

What if we made the wrong decision to transfer 3?

Well, over the last 4 months we have submitted the numbers to God- He is in the details we believe. I asked Tom (our incredible embryologist) about the choice of three. We ask Dr S about our chances of pregnancy with transferring 2- he told us 50-50 that we would get 1 baby. Chances of twin pregnancy with transferring 2- 30%. Well, those really are not all that great odds (at least we didn’t think so). If we transferred 3 our odds of 1 taking would be better but we might have a greater risk of twins. Paul and I prayed and felt a great peace (remember this is before we knew anything about the embryos) that 3 would be a good number. If we did have twins God was big enough to take care of us. Triplets are really not all that likely.

I listened intently to what Tom was saying and I find it interesting that there is such a clear line between the “viable” embryos and the non viable ones. Isn’t it interesting that exactly 3 survived? Isn’t it interesting that they are so different from the others? I also find if amazing that the very best embryo- the one that was already breaking out of its shell was the very last one that they thawed. It was not even fully re-hydrated when they put it in me. I really believe that God is interested in details. Also, what if we have wanted 2? They would have only thawed Embryo 1 and Embryo 2 and stopped there. I guess we really can’t play the what if game but we would have thought that we still had 6 embryos left when in reality only 1 of those was considered viable. Sure, we can see that now…. I know this sounds strange but when you adopt embryos you just don’t know how they are going to turn out when they thaw. I have a friend who thawed one, transferred one, and got pregnant with one. I guess you never know. I will tell you I KNOW that the last embryo is one we are pregnant with (I just know it). Maybe we will call him ocho :).

Of course, we do not know the end of this story just yet. Since we are very early I covet your prayers for the health and safety of these babies. (We refer to them as plural since we transferred 3.) We pray for normal growth, continued growth, prayers that I would be very sick so I would know that they babies are doing well. We also pray that God would comfort the family that gave us the children (we haven’t talked about it but there must be a slight sense of loss) and bring us close together and in one accord throughout this time.

So, my lab today was 190- anything above a 50 is pregnant but I would have been shocked if I wasn’t pregnant. I am already craving my pregnancy stand by of mashed potatoes, I have cried (a lot), I have heartburn, feel a tightening or firming of my lower abdomen, I have a few more pangs of mild cramping, and am nauseated (already-really???). I couldn’t imagine that all of those and other things could just be in my head!

Next step? We will retest the labs on Sunday and look for the 190 to double. That will tell us that things are proceeding normally. If not, well, God is in charge of that as well.

I would love to leave you with my favorite scripture- one that we pray over these babies-

Psalms 139: 13-16

¹³For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
¹⁵My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

He knew me, He knows these babies by name….He calls them by their names!

Praise Him from whom all blessings flow!

Short Report

Posted on April 26, 2013 by milemarkerblog

Here is the email message that I sent the genetic family and our Adoption agency 10-24-13

10-24-13 PM

Today’s transfer appears to be successful so far. They did need to thaw all 8 blasts. That is the bad news. The good news is they have 3 that they think look very good. I do not have any information on grading yet or anything like that- I will get it to you as soon as I do. I do know 2-3 were immediately “not looking good” and that 2 of them the jury was out on- they were going to watch them for a few more hours but they were not comfortable with selecting those for us at the moment. I can tell you the very last blast they thawed was the best looking one and it went in. Tom (who has done this for 20+ years and handled the conversation on the phone with me when we lost our last 5) handled all of the transfer as well as the thaw. He is going to get me a full report. Another positive is that if those two end up viable they will be able to vitrify them when they refreeze- or vitrify one as needed. The statistical survival after a slow freeze (as these originally were due to the technology available at the time) have about an 80% thaw rate. The success of transfer after a vitrified embryo is used is equal to that of a fresh cycle- virtually no loss with thawing.

On to the process, they took me back and took a look at everything- they have big screen TV set up where we watched Tom take the embryos into the straw then he opened a door and brought them into the room, the transfer was complete then he took the straw back next door to put back into the medium to make sure it was clear and that all embryos were in. Sure enough, there was one still in the straw- straggler!

That immediately concerned me and I asked how often that happened he said 10% of the time. That isn’t good odds was my thought! He then told a story of a family that they were transferring three when they took it back and found one in the medium, they returned to transfer that one and when they went back there were two in the medium this time!!!!! He returned the two to where they should have been resulting in a twin pregnancy for that family. Anecdotal information really isn’t all that helpful- everyone has a friend who had xyz happen to them.

Anyway, on the second pass the straggler went in however when he returned the straw to the medium there was blood cells etc that had not been there the first time. I don’t think that is anything to worry about but it was an aberration from the norm. He then moved the magnifying glass over to the word clear signalling that sweet straggler had made it. At that time the speculum (how do you spell that) was removed and I was moved over to the gurney. I told them I could get over there but I was not to move for 20 minutes- Dr S has a specific spot where he holds on to the pt to slide them over to the gurney. After 20 minutes in recovery they let me go to the bathroom and use my first crinone dose for the day then to go home and rest. After that valium I was rather tired anyway.

Whew! There is the long and the short of the actual procedure.

Here are the first baby pictures

Hopefully God will grant that one of these little ones will take hold and develop into a baby. I think we have a good chance.

Pray it takes!

Baby #8- the strongest one of the bunch

Babies 1 and 2 they were reasonable with about 60-70% Viable cells….

SDG

Why adopt embryos? Part 4 Choosing the family that will forever be related to you

Posted on April 2, 2013 by milemarkerblog

How does that old saying go?

“You can choose your friends but you sho’ can’t choose your family, an’ they’re still kin to you no matter whether you acknowledge ’em or not, and it makes you look right silly when you don’t.”

― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

I have to say, this is one of the most awesome parts of embryo adoption. The ability to determine if you are a good match with amazing people who are likeminded and want life for their embryos is an amazing gift. I feel like I am looking at future in laws when I look at a family’s profile on paper. What are they like? How do they run their family? What is important to them? What are the natural inclinations of the other children? One thing that is the same about all of these families- they want their frozen children to have life. They want them to at least have a chance at life. These families also almost always have children from the set of embryos that they are placing so the frozen babies are siblings to the ones that have already been born.

How cool is that?

Let me clarify here, all families vary on the desire to have a closed or open relationship, but I would say that the majority of the families desire at least some contact. They want their children to meet their siblings in the future. Paul and I were very comfortable about this and want these children to know how much they are loved by not only us but their biological parents. They can feel connected to their older siblings (of course I am not there yet so I may be in an idyllic lala land). I also want to speak of the quality of the families that we have encountered, even the ones with which we have not matched. They are amazing, educated, high morals, and want their frozen babies to have the opportunity at a full life with their future family. These families run the gamut of talents and gifts but they are almost always a husband and wife that want their children to be educated, given opportunities in the arts, athletics, and to grow in love of their fellow man. Isn’t that what every adoptive mother (or couple) wants for their child.

We were given the opportunity to see the genetic background for all of the families (one at a time) as we looked for our potential matches. We were able to see what the parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles all excelled in. What kind of business did they participate in? (Might we have a future entrepreneur in the family or a future musician?) What was their health history? Why did they have fertility struggles? Are they carriers of any genetically related issues? Paul and I carefully read over everything- I have not ever been in to genealogies but this was a great part of the matching process. I could go on and on about how valuable this information was. It was not a deal breaker in any of our decisions though- I will tell you that. Really, who of us doesn’t have a crazy Aunt Ethel or a family member that has struggled with a certain illness? You know going in to a match a lot of information about the family.

There are currently embryos that are waiting that have siblings with autism or other special needs. This does tend to make those children a little harder to place- perhaps you have a special heart and would be willing to give those little ones a chance. Here is the link to the waiting embryos at Snowflakes….. (Why do I sound like a commercial?)

http://www.nightlight.org/snowflakes-waiting-embryos/

Some are also special cases because they are multi-ethnic. We were actually open to these as well.

http://www.nightlight.org/snowflake-embryo-adoption/adopt-multi-ethnic-embryos/

So, the 4^th and final thing (for now) that is an advantage of embryo adoption is the ability to choose who you will forever be related to, and on what level. How much closeness is good for each of you? This has been an amazing blessing so far. There is one family that we did not match with (I will blog about that this week). We are still chatting occasionally and cheering each other on. Of course, we love people so this is hugely attractive to Paul and me!

May I indulge with a few more pictures of “Christmas” last weekend? We were not able to make it to Oklahoma and Paul’s mom hasn’t been feeling well enough to travel to us so we waited until this weekend to travel up there so we were able to get Christmas Stockings, Christmas gifts, and tons of fun with our older cousins…hours of fun building a fort too!

IPAD’s are SO interesting! Did you know three can play on one mini at a time? True

Long awaited Christmas Gifts

My Hot Wheel Fanatic!

Love Grandma Sugar

Of Course, Money is always our favorite!

She wanted a bow and arrow! Ha!

That is one scary alarm clock!

Happy Wednesday!

Run up that hill…..

The Long Absence

Posted on March 16, 2013 by milemarkerblog

For 8 months this blog has been silent. It is a funny thing how one feels that they have nothing worthy of saying or of someone else reading. That said, I have decided now, somewhat in hind sight to record the missing elements of the past 8 months. Over the next few weeks I may blog about current events, our past events and the lessons learned along our adoption journey coupled with the pain of its experiences. I have been private (that is highly unusual with me) in my interpersonal relationships when it came to this journey but now it is time to speak, to give a voice to the joys and the pain that are wrapped up in the journey. Where do we begin? Let’s start with our Oklahoma* babies.

Oklahoma* Babies
It was a joyful day on October 1st, 2012 when I received the following email:

“Congratulations, you have been selected! Your biography and photo collage were out for consideration by Danny and Krista* (names changed), who live in Oklahoma*. They have now contacted me and said that they would like for you to adopt their five (5) embryos. Accordingly, please find attached their family profile. The embryos were frozen in February of 2004; all 5 are at the 2PN stage. The eggs were retrieved from Krista when she was 36 years old.”

I can tell you exactly where I was when I opened the email. I was connected in my car via wireless card to my internet- I still remember the back street that I was going down when I received the email. I was in tears, I was over joyed, I loved this family immediately, after I called Paul to get his opinion on the potential match I was quick to place an over emotional phone call to Nightlight. I called our adoption agency- Nightlight Christian Adoptions and ask to speak with Kelly, I will never forget the sweet secretaries voice on the other end. “Is everything ok she asked?” I stated yes, yes, it was all just wonderful. Why I broke into tears I do not know (it would be consistent with who I am and how my emotions run).

Here is part of Danny and Krista’s letter that gave a window into the heart of a family that loved their children and desired for their frozen embryos to have a family that would love them and as their letter to us states….

“Our prayer is that we may offer these precious little ones to you in hope that you may be able to give birth and enjoy the child of your dreams…..Our prayer is that they will be loved and brought to the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ”

All I needed to know is that we had one common goal to introduce our children to the Savior in the prayer that they will one day trust him as their Lord. In this, we would agree and be aligned and over the next few months our lives would be intertwined from a distance.

What I didn’t know at the time and really until I am researched to write this post today another amazing event happened on October 1^st 2012 that I knew nothing about nor would we for months to come. As only God can today again I was brought to tears by the realization of the date OCTOBER 1^st 2012 would soon become a large part of our family’s life…….apart from these sweet embryos.